At the End of 'A' Day
by ladywolf101
Summary: Between the time that Toby confesses his love for Spencer and the time right before the girls head to Em's, does Spencer confess her love, or is she too scared? Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN PLL R&R Love you all!
1. Chapter 1

"Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done." She heard it echoing in her head, all-consuming. Toby was standing right in front of her admitting that he never hated her, but was only pretending to. He actual does love her. Emotions were coursing through Spencer's head as she processed what he was saying. Love, confusion, hate, sadness, and anger were spinning all around her. She let the anger course through her veins. She was angry that he had left her, that she had let him believe that she didn't love him either, but over all, she was angry with herself. She felt so angry that she had kissed Wren. She hated that she had lied to Toby about cheating. If she hadn't done that, then she would still be with him. But the words that he spoke came back to her. "Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done."

Still hurt from the thought of him actually leaving, she stepped forward, raising her hand to smack him. She thrust it forward with all her might, but found it stopped with a hand wrapped around her wrist. She was startled by the sudden catch, but also by the shock that went up her arm and straight to her heart. Tears started to form in her eyes as she felt the first contact with him since he left. He jerked her closer to him, and for a couple of seconds, he stared deeply into Spencer's eyes. Their breathing was rapid and shallow, for their hearts were beating to fast to keep up. Slowly, they both started to move together, and their lips crashed down upon one another. Spencer lifted her hand to his cheek, soon to be wrapped around his neck, desperately trying to be closer to one another. His hands slid down to her waist, never wanting this moment to end. Both were quickly running out of air, but they continued to kiss, never getting enough of the other. Toby ran his tongue along Spencer's bottom lip, seeking for access into her mouth. She granted willingly. Soon, out of fear that they both might pass out, they disconnected, holding each others gaze for a long minute while still trying to catch their breath. That's when he saw her tears starting to fall.

"Spencer, it's okay. I will never leave you again. I swear." His sad eyes looked into hers, but she sniffled and then laughed softly.

"I'm not scared of you not leaving." She said looking at him with pure passion. "I'm scared of loving someone so much." She stated simply, her eyes filling with water. The girls standing with Dr. Sullivan understood, but they were the only ones. They understood A's dirty tricks, and that A will do anything to keep those two lovebirds apart. I mean A did a good job with Aria and Ezra, student and teacher. And look at Emily and Mia. Mia's off in who knows where, while Emily is still trying to find her. And Hannah and Caleb? Caleb had A's phone and hacked into it… he is, unfortunately, going to pay the price.

Spencer looked longingly into Toby's eyes, knowing she was going to regret saying what was about to come out of her mouth.

"Toby," she whispered, "we can't be together." More tears started to slide down her face as she said those awful words.

"Spencer," Toby said sternly, "you don't know what you're talking about. I love you, Spencer, and nothing can change that. Trust me, I have tired. I have tried so hard to hate you for what you did to Jenna, for what you did to me, but I can't. Especially not after you helped save Jenna from the fire."

"How did you-"?

"Hannah."

"Ahh…" She turned around to pretend glare at Hannah, but it turned into a thankful glance.

"Spencer," Toby caught her attention once again, "you can't tell me that I can't be with you, because I can't be without you. If you take yourself away from me, I will have nothing." He stated sadly.

"You always have Jenna." Spencer said in a snarky tone, trying to get on Toby's bad side.

"Spencer, you're horrible at faking." Toby chuckled. He looked over at Spencer with pleading eyes. "You can't leave me." She looked him right in the eyes and heard the words slipping out, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

"Toby, I can't love you." Everything was silent, even the girls who had been giggling in the background.

"I don't believe you. You're lying, trying to cover things up. Don't shut me out Spencer. I know you love me. I know because I had to watch myself break your beautiful heart. I left the car with the note, and I watched you cry from the bushes. I couldn't leave you all alone. I had never left your side. You wore my shirt underneath yours once. And when the girls found out, I saw your eyes glisten with water. I watched you time after time run from your classes and into the bathroom to sob. I heard your cries at night when you thought nobody was listening. I still hear them, you know. In my nightmares. I can never get to you, you're always just out of reach, but you're screaming. I try to cover my ears, but I can't. My hands are tied behind my back. I just promised you, Spencer, that I would never leave you. I swore it, and I intend to keep my promises. I love you, Spencer. You can't tell me that you don't love me, too."

"Toby… It's not that I don't love you. It's that I can't. I can't put you in danger again. You were in that hospital because of me! You fell off of the tall thing-a-magigger because of me!" She begged for him to believe her with my eyes

"Spencer, those bolts were just loose. It wasn't your fault." He said, bringing her into a hug, which she gladly accepted. But she quickly turned away.

"And who do you think loosened them?" She said quietly, turning to look at the girls for approval. They all shook they're heads, wanting to tell Toby the whole story.

"What do you mean?" Toby asked, slightly shocked.

"Come over to Emily's place in a little bit. Give all of us a chance to explain what has happened. Dr. Sullivan, you can come, too. It's time we have our little talk. Meet us at Em's in twenty minutes. We should be good then."

"Okay." They both agreed. Suddenly, Toby grabbed Spencer again, and softy pressed his lips to hers. Taken back, she kissed him back, only to realize that A could still be watching, as they had only captured one. So she removed her lips, only to be pulled back into a hug. She pushed him away, and looked him in the eyes, hoping that he got the hint that this wasn't safe out in the open.

She removed herself from his personal space, and walked over to her friends, who were silent and stern, not like they had been just moments ago. Their jumpiness had returned, and they all stood stiff like a board.

"Twenty minutes." Spencer said, and Toby and Dr. Sullivan nodded in response. All four girls started their walk to Emily's house, hearing soft sirens in the background.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys so much for the great reviews on my story! I'm gonna warn you, I'm not that great at writing long stories, and my updates don't come very often because of school, but I will defiantly try my best! You guys are the greatest! Again, I (unfortunately) don't own Pretty Little Liars. **

**Spencer's POV**

I was turning around and heading for the girls when the sirens started, and immediately we all tensed up, not saying a word. When we started down the road towards Em's house, the sirens started to get closer, and I knew we were all thinking the same thing, but no one was going to come out and say it. A was still out there, weather they got Mona or not.

Aria looked over at Hannah, and asked her the simple, but difficult question.

"You gonna be okay at home tonight?"

"I know Mona's A, I just keep seeing that faceless person with the black hoodie." Em spoke up, and said one of the most helpful things I could think of.

"Let's all sleep at my place. My mom would be thrilled to have a reason to cook." I finally said something, still shocked from the magical night, but no smile graced my lips. Just thinking about A made all of my happiness, which there's a lot of, go away.

"That sounds like old times." I said with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. Old times, what were they? Sleeping over and playing truth or dare? We weren't going to be doing that tonight. If anything, we will all be crying, trying to figure more out. Who else could A be? As if Aria had been reading my mind, she sighed a sad sigh, and then her face turned to stone, ghostly white and hard. We all turned our heads as the sound of an approaching ambulance caught our attention. Scared expressions covered our faces as we neared the turn that we made right before Em's house. We saw Maya's house surrounded by police cars, ambulances, and, the one thing we all feared, the coroner. We all turned to gauge Em's reaction, but she was too busy running over to her girlfriends' house. We all followed her quickly, shoving people to the side, running through all of the gates that surrounded the area. We saw her run over to her mom in a frantic state. Her mom rushed over to her side, grabbing her into an embrace.

"Honey. They found a body. They think it's… they think it's Maya." We were all there, hugging Emily as the confused look on her face turned into one of despair. We all tried to keep her from running over to look, so I quickly grabbed the side of her face, and hugged it, trying to get her to stay put. None of us could hear anymore, it was like our bodies had shut down. We could see Emily screaming, but nobody heard it. We were all hugging her, trying to calm her, but was that possible when all we could think about was A? We were all just as scared as she was, but nobody knew the pain that she was going through. She lost her love. The love of her life. I've lost Toby, but he was back now. He was never permanently gone like Maya was. Maya was gone. She wasn't coming back. We all wanted to ask questions, but we knew it wasn't the time or place. Still, I thought that Emily would want some answers later on.

So I let go of Emily and told one of the girls to take my place, so Hannah, thankfully, took ahold of Emily. Emily watched, shell-shocked, as I took one of the police to the side to talk to him.

"Hello, Officer…"

"Dean"

"Okay, Officer Dean. I would like to know what happened to Maya. How did she… die?" I choked out. Tears welled up in my eyes, and he looked sad for me.

"You must be Emily. Here," he slowly took out a piece of paper that was torn at one edge and handed it to me. "She wrote you a letter. I saw it, and grabbed it before anyone else could see it. I could tell that it was personal. I'm not really supposed to answer your questions, but I'm guessing you're her girlfriend." I took the piece of paper without saying a word. He didn't need to know that I wasn't Em. "She was torn to pieces, but there was a suicide note. So we think that she killed herself and then someone came it and tried to disguise her, so they took a knife to her face and body. See, her cuts were fresh, but the body was fairly cold. We aren't really sure though. It was like someone really didn't like her, or they wanted to get back at someone close to her. Nobody has tried to explain it just yet. It's just to disturbing."

I looked at him with a shocked expression. He wasn't supposed to give out any information, but he gave it all away. I didn't think much of it because tears were coming back up. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to us all."

"Us all?"

"Yeah. That's Aria, Hannah, and Emily." I smiled shyly at him. "I'm Spencer, not Emily. But I will make sure she gets this letter. She doesn't know that I came over to ask, so I won't give her the letter just yet. She needs some time. But really, thank you Officer Dean. It means a lot."

"And you let me ramble on thinking that a beautiful girl like you was a lesbian?" He sighed, and I looked over at him rather nervously. Was this Officer about to ask me out? "Well, now that we have that all cleared up, how would you like to go get a drink with me?" Yes. Yes he was about to ask me out.

"I can't."

"Oh." He looked rather disappointed. "You probably want to spend time with your friends. I understand."

"Not only that, but she's taken." I heard a familiar voice come from behind me. I turned to find Toby standing there, waiting for my response to the Officer behind me.

"Sorry Officer." I threw over my shoulder. "I'm taken."

"Oh." The officer said uncomfortably. "Well then, I'll just be on my way."

I ran over to pull Toby into a hug, and started to sob. "I can't believe that she's gone." I said suddenly. He took me back into the hug, and whispered something that unsettled my nerves, not that they weren't already

"I didn't know you cared about her so much. You two weren't really friends, were you?" I looked up at him, and he wiped away a stray tear that had started to fall.

"No, but I care about you. Do you promise that you won't leave me?" I looked up at him, fresh tears threatening to fall. He doesn't understand what I meant by leave. I don't want him to go away like Maya did. He pulled me into a kiss, quick but passion-filled.

"Promise?" I questioned when he didn't say anything, but responded with a kiss.

"I swear on my life." He said honestly. He really did love her, but promising on his life wasn't going to help.

"Promise on… promise on my life." I whispered.

"I'm not putting your life in danger." He said instantly.

"So you _are_ going to leave me." I said harshly, pain covering my face.

"NO! You misunderstood. I mean, what if I go missing, or I'm murdered? I can't help that." Tears filled my eyes, and I started to sob. You see, that's what I picture every time I close my eyes, him, the most important person in my life, being slaughtered. I sobbed even louder as I saw the knife from the person with a black hood's hand coming down on Toby's adorable face. Or, even worse, Melissa's hand holding the knife, stabbing him over and over. My sobs had gotten out of hand now, and Toby was holding me, trying to take back what he had said, realizing that, something he had said was defiantly wrong. He didn't know what, but whatever it was that she was going to tell him had something to do with what happened to Maya. He was holding me close to his chest, trying so desperately to comfort me. Eventually, after about fifteen minutes of me sobbing into his now soaked shirt, I started to calm down. I looked up at him and glared.

"Never, and I mean never, say that every again." I said sternly.

"I won't and I promise on your life that I will never leave you. Never." I smiled up at him, and pressed my lips to his. Smiling into the familiar contact, he deepened our wonderful kiss. My heart was fluttering, and I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. He chuckled and I took this time to be bold and shove my tongue into his mouth. He wasn't getting away thing time. The same officer that had asked me out broke off our passion filled kiss.

"Excuse me, but we're trying to do our job. Can you please move?" He was rather bitter than the first time that we had talked. I looked over at him and gave him a rather smartass comment.

"Can't you go around?" I gave him an innocent smile, and he smiled a sarcastic smile right back at me.

"No ma'am. You're in the middle of the road."

"Oh… Sorry. We'll just have to continue in the grass, Toby." I shot a smile back at my boyfriend; at least, I hope he was my boyfriend. I'll ask later. Officer Dean said his thanks and left. I grabbed Toby's hand and walked into the grass. I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and continued our previous actions. As the kiss ended, we were both a mess. Toby's hair was a mess, as well as mine. My tight top was above my stomach, and my lips were probably really swollen. I looked over at the love of my life and we both started to laugh lightly. We were happily in love. I gave Toby a quick kiss and told him I needed to head back over to my friends. He agreed and told me that we would talk later. He started to turn away, but I grabbed his hand. He wasn't leaving my side.

"I need you. Don't leave me." Concern was all in my voice as I pleaded with him to stay with me.

"Okay, I won't leave." He looked so concerned for me. I smiled up at him and led him over to my friends.

"Guys, we're all staying in the barn tonight. I can get my parents to agree, and, frankly, I couldn't care a horse's crap about Melissa. Em, do you want to come? We will be here for you, weather you want to come or not. But I really think you should come, you're not staying alone. Not tonight." She nodded in agreement, and we all started the short walk to my house. Every little sound on the way was torture. We were probably the jumpiest girls Toby had ever seen.

When we reached my house, we all started running. I couldn't stand another moment out in the black night anymore. I swung the door open and rushed in. I grabbed the keys to the barn and went to the door. I opened it and almost smacked into Melissa.

"Hey! Watch it! Wait… why do you have the keys to the barn?" She asked.

"We're taking it tonight. We need a girls night out, and the barn is away from everyone." I stated simply.

"You're not taking the barn."

"That's funny, I don't remember asking." I said instantly. I knew she was going to tell me that I couldn't, but I didn't expect her to grab my arm. She tightened her grip when I tried to tear it away.

"Be careful Spencer, there are some dangerous people out there, and I know you don't want to be on their bad sides."

"Let go of me Melissa. The only bad people out there are the people that are right under our noses. Don't forget that." She let go, shocked at my retort, and I stormed off, the girls following me.

"What the hell was that?" Hannah whispered to me as I unlocked the barn door.

"Hannah, if I knew I would tell you, but it serious sounds like Mona isn't the only A out there." I said reluctantly. Mona was with me when Maya was… you know. Never mind. I'll just tell you later when we aren't all broken." I said. Seconds after I said that, all of our phones rang. We all opened the restricted message.

'Well well well, it looks like Spencer is the smartest of you all. Might wanna watch out, there are some dangerous people out there, but most of them are all under our noses. ;) I'm still here bitches, and I'm angrier than ever.'

We're doomed.

**Well isn't this a shock? Not really… we all knew that A was still out there. The real question is who could it be? Poor girls, I hope everyone lives…**

**Love you all! R&R**

**~Ladywolf101**


	3. Authors Note!

**OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! I'm so incredible sorry for not having updated in like 6 months! I can tell you that I am beginning to work on a new chapter, and again, I am so so soo sosoooo sorry! If you only knew… my dad grounded me for a really long time… I'm so sorry, but I will update soon! I LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO STUCK WITH ME THROUGH THIS! By the way, I won't be sticking as much to the third season, so it won't be predictable! **

**~ladywolf101**


	4. Chapter 3

**GUYS! You are SOOOOO amazing if you have stuck with me on this story! I am SOOO SOOO SOOOOOOOOO sorry for making you wait for so long! I'm going to try to update more often, which will be sooo much easier because a) I'm not grounded, b) I'm being homeschooled, and c) BECAUSE I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH! I'm really trying to write this in a way that people find it realistic, so I really hope you enjoy!**

_Last on 'A Day':_

_I knew she was going to tell me that I couldn't, but I didn't expect her to grab my arm. She tightened her grip when I tried to tear it away._

_"Be careful Spencer, there are some dangerous people out there, and I know you don't want to be on their bad sides."_

_"Let go of me, Melissa. The only bad people out there are the people that are right under our noses. Don't forget that." She let go, shocked at my retort, and I stormed off, the girls following me._

_"What the hell was that?" Hannah whispered to me as I unlocked the barn door._

_"Hannah, if I knew I would tell you, but it serious sounds like Mona isn't the only A out there." I said reluctantly. Mona was with me when Maya was… you know. Never mind. I'll just tell you later when we aren't all broken." I said. Seconds after I said that, all of our phones rang. We all opened the restricted message._

_'Well well well, it looks like Spencer is the smartest of you all. Might wanna watch out, there are some dangerous people out there, but most of them are all under our noses. ;) I'm still here bitches, and I'm angrier than ever.' -A_

Spencer's POV

Hannah's question had me stumped, and, as a Hastings, that didn't happen often. What _was_ that? I had no clue. 'A' was starting to get on my nerves, though. He/she has ruined my life as well as my friends! No. Not okay. As I thought more about Mona, I didn't even realize that I wasn't the only one up. I heard some short sniffles, and I turned my head to look at Hannah. Mona being 'A' had really shocked her. Especially after 'A' had hit her with a car, threatened her best friends boyfriends, and made many attempts at murder… some working. Not only was Maya in my head, but all of my friends were, too.

"Han, you okay?" I asked softly. I heard a choked sob and immediately I sat up, moving to sit by Hannah. No, Hannah and I didn't get along a lot, and we fought basically everyday, but when it all comes down to it, Hannah was still my best friend. We had a circle of four, and all of us had different personalities. Sometimes those personalities clashed, but we all knew that all of us would always be friends. So many secrets bound us together.

"Spencer." She choked back another sob. "Why would Mona hate me so much?" That was all she could ask before she started to full on sob. Thankfully, the other two girls were sleeping deeply. Aria, being the empathetic one, started to sob hysterically with Emily, putting both of them fast asleep after drinking way to much. So… they didn't really fall asleep as much as pass out. I, though, could control my tears, wanting to stay strong for everyone else, drunk or not. It was my job.

"Oh Han. Mona didn't hate you! You were her best friend." I was trying to think logically. That's how a Hastings would think in this situation. "She craved attention, even if that meant wanting it so desperately that she would kill for it. Literally." I mumbled the last part to myself. The rest I was simply stating what the police were thinking. Calmly, I took Hannah's head and placed it on her pillow. Her stomach was down, so I started rubbing soothing circles around her lower back. With her back shacking from the sobs that raked her body, it was a little hard to continue rubbing, but after a while, her sobs turned to silent tears, and her tears turned into soft breathing. I could tell by her now regular breaths that she was asleep. I looked over at the clock and realized what time it was, 4:30. She had been crying for a good hour and a half. I felt so bad for her, but I really couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't erase the memory of Mona's face while she was watching the screen of her phone, telling her exactly where to meet Mona and I with my strategically placed questions. I hadn't wanted to call Hannah, but, if I wanted to survive, I knew I had to. I could remember every detail, but I chose not to relive it.

I closed my eyes, trying to turn off my Hastings brain, however impossible it is. My eyes flashed open, as I felt my tired bones lead me back to my sleeping bag. I tripped over something, and fell on my pillow. My eyes shut, and I drifted into a much needed sleep.

As my eyes drifted open, I could tell that it was still night. The girls were all still asleep, but I could hear a knocking sound at my window. I quickly looked over, still lying down. Nobody was there; just a box. I curiously looked at it, wondering just what it was. I got up, not thinking about the murderer still lurking about the town, and swiftly unlocked the door. I opened it, and grabbed the box quickly, noticing how light it was for such a big box. I didn't want to wake the others, so I gently shut the door, forgetting about the lock. I took the box back to my spot on the floor and started to, slowly, take the tape off the top. As soon as I had the first piece of tape off, I heard a squeak off to my right, towards the door. I looked over, and the door had made its way open._ I must not have shut it all the way,_ I thought, quickly getting up and shutting the door, making sure it was shut all the way. I walked back over to the box, but before I could make it, the door squeaked again. Looking slowly over my shoulder, I noticed that the door had opened again. Goosebumps started climbing there way up my arms and legs as a chill went down my spine. I quickly ran over to the door, shutting it and locking the door… no way was it opening up again. I went back over to the box, and swiftly opening it, shifting my eyes occasionally over to the door. I looked down to another box. _This is crazy_, I thought, opening the other box, just to find another one. I kept opening the boxes, only finding more, until finally I got down to the last box. It was a small box, only big enough for a notecard. I had opened about five boxes, and was getting tired of this game. Bored, I opened the last box, but before I could, I heard the all to familiar squeak of the door. No. Way. I looked over, and there was the opened door, only this time, it wasn't cracked. The person… no, thing… had made sure to swing open the door. A little wind was blowing in. I gasped as I looked at the familiar keys hanging from the lock. How… how did 'A' get my keys?! I looked over to the table where I always put them to notice that, not only were they not there; the window that was above the table was open. The person had opened the window, to get to my keys, to open the door, to freak me out. 'A' seriously needed to branch out and get a life. I ran over to the door and slammed it shut, taking my keys out first and locking the door and windows. No chance. None. I took the keys in my hand and walked over to the last box. I opened it slowly, and looked inside. There was a note.

_Better watch out… not only do I know where you live, I know how to get into your locked doors. Better check your keys… is anything missing?_

_-A_

I quickly checked my keychain and noticed that the picture of Toby I kept on there was gone. Oh God. Toby had given me that picture the first day we started dating. That wasn't the day at the motel, but a couple days after. He said that, incase I needed an escape, just to look at the picture. On the back he had written 'So that even when I'm not here, I can give you peace.' I treasured that picture more than anything. I looked around to see if any of the girls where awake yet, and thankfully, they weren't. When I saw this, I cautiously let my guard down, letting all of my tears fall. I fell face down into the pillow and quietly sobbed. Really, I couldn't hold it in much longer. Soon, I fell asleep, keys in hand and boxes all around me.

When I woke up, there were neither boxes around me nor any keys in my hands. I looked over to the table and saw my keys lying there. It was just a dream? But it seemed so real… I looked around puzzled and saw a shattered Emily sitting with Aria. Emily was spacing out, looking just passed me at the wall. I looked at Aria, staring intently at Emily. When I started to move, Aria passed me a worried glance, but quickly returned her eyes to Em.

"She's been sitting like this all morning. She hasn't made one move." She said, looking over at me, her eyes glassy. "She won't respond to anything I say. It's like she can't see or hear." A lone tear slid out of her already puffy red eyes. I had nothing to say. "By the way," Aria turned her head back over to Emily, "Hannah took the liberty of picking up your mess." She mumbled.

"Wha-" I turned my head as I saw Hannah stumble in the room. She was holding a box… that box was all too familiar. She looked over at me and shoved the box in my face.

"The damn thing doesn't fit in the trashcan." She stated, fire in her eyes as she threw the box down. I giggled at her, hoping she wouldn't notice. "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGING AT BITCH?!" She obviously noticed.

"Hannah-"I attempted to say before going out onto full on laughing. She picked up her pillow and chucked it at my face. Taken off guard, it smacked me dead on.

"SCORE ONE FOR HANNAH!" She screamed, and we both burst into a fit of giggles and pillows. Soon after the fight had started I heard a scratchy voice behind me, and the blood rushing around my body froze.

"How can you be having fun throwing pillows and giggling your faces off when a girl, not to mention my GIRLFRIEND, just DIED!?" I heard Emily's voice, and I could have swore that she was still drunk. Her words slurred together, and she didn't sound steady. I felt awful.

"Em-" I tried, but she quickly cut me off.

"I can't believe you call yourself my friend." She said icily. I felt the tears in my eyes, but I fought them back. Stay strong, Spence…

"I'm so sorry." Hannah said, obviously trying harder than I was.

"Emily… I really didn't mean-" I tried again, but Emily was already talking.

"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT, SPENCER! YOU DON'T CARE… YOU HAVE NO REASON TO! It's not like you actually LIKED her!" She was screaming, and this time, I couldn't fight my anger. I let my words slip, and I knew, as soon as I said them, that nobody in this room was going to forgive me.

"YOU KNOW WHAT EMILY! FINE! LEAVE…. AND FOR A FACT, I DID LIKE MAYA! SHE WAS REALLY PERFECT FOR YOU, AND I KNOW THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FIND ANYONE ELSE, BUT GUESS WHAT?! 'A' IS RUINING OUR LIVES JUST AS MUCH AS SHE IS RUINING YOURS… I'M JUST BETTER AT KEEPING IT TOGETHER THAN YOU ARE!" I screamed at her. The broken girl in front of me ran out of the barn, and I ran after her. I was no longer mad; I was just upset. I ran after Emily, and, because of her broken state, I easily caught up.

"Em… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be that insensitive. I was so stupid. I… I was just so… impatient… and on edge." I looked at her, hoping she would turn around. She turned around looking like she was about to spit bullets, but she held back when she saw my face. My guard was down, and I was letting her see what I was really feeling. I was so happy that she turned around that I jumped into her arms. I just held her as her stiff body started slowly giving in to the friendly hug. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and we stood there for a good 10 minutes crying and sniffling. "I really wasn't trying to hurt you." I said in between tears.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last night… I heard you slam the door. You started crying. What happened?"

She heard…

"It was nothing that you need to worry about. But Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course!"

"Promise me you will call me whenever you need something done, or if you need anything! I swear, I will be more understanding. I want to prove to you that I'm not just trying to be a super bitch. I swear… I would never do that. Just, with everything that happened, I don't want to loose anyone… and I think I might have to."

"I promise." She gave a slight sigh. "But Spence, who do you think you're gonna have to loose?" This was the question that I was dreading. My eyes started to water, and I gave her the one word that was my one weakness.

"Toby."

**SOOOOOO…. What'd ya think? I really hope you liked it because I have been trying so hard to get back into this story! Please, any suggestions or revisions that you think need to be made, PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me! I'll try and put it into the story! You guys are awesome! R&R! 3**

**~ladywolf101**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I'm gonna warn you, there is some language in this one as well as some self-harm, but I hope you like it anyway! I really tried on this one, so I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Pretty Little Liars, but I don't… if I did, I would make Ezria and Soby be HAPPY! :)**

I let the tears slide down my face. Being at home was different then being _at home. _Toby was my home… my comfort. Ever since 'A' took the picture of him off my keys, I've thought a lot. Though that's not different from the usual, I was thinking about Toby. But every time I thought about how I was going to break up with him, I started to cry. Stupid feelings. Stop this… tears are weakness! Hastings and weakness don't belong in the same sentence! I looked out the window in my room, and I saw none other then Toby himself. Crap. Racing to the bathroom, I patted on a little makeup, making sure my eyes weren't too red. Looking in the mirror, I saw someone that I didn't recognize. A broken girl looked back at me. My eyes were sleepless and glossy from the ears that had snuck their way out of my eyes. Blinking several times and practicing my smile in the mirror, the girl that I knew slowly started returning. Again I looked out the window to see a rock hit it. I plastered on a fake smile when I saw Toby looking up at me. Slowly I walked down stairs, trying to think of something I could say.

"Hey Spence!" He said, obliviously excited to see me. I smiled and walked over. He planted a small kiss on my lips, but I moved away quickly.

"Hey." I stated simply, focusing more on trying to keep my voice from cracking. "How are you?" I cleared my throat. Small talk is so awkward.

"I'm great now that I'm looking at my beautiful girlfriend." He said, casting me a casual wink. Usually, this comment would have made me blush. Not today. All I could think about was how much I was going to miss those little compliments that he would give me.

"Cool." I stated doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. I started to giggle, trying to keep from sobbing.

"Okay…" He was obviously on to me. "What's wrong?" He was looking worried, and I couldn't do anything.

"Nothing."

"You're lying." He knows me to well.

"It's really nothing. I have to go" Damn… what's something I love to do, "study." I said, backing into the doorway… away from him.

"Okay…" He said, obviously concerned. "Well, I love-" I shut the door before he could even finish. I couldn't hear him say it. Not when I was constantly putting him in danger by seeing him. I really did love him, I swear. That's why I was pushing him away. My phone chimed, and I reached for my back pocket. I had my head pressed against the wall, and I let the tears fall. Slowly pulling my hand up that held the phone, I quietly read the text.

_What's wrong? You shut the door in my face. Not to mention that it's Friday night, and we had plans to go out. Either you forgot, or you just flat out didn't want to go. If you didn't want to go, you don't have to… I'm not going to push you because I love you. You didn't get me a chance to say it, but I do. And I'll tell the whole city if you want me to. I LOVE SPENCER HASTINGS! Have fun studying babe. Love, Toby._

I couldn't control my sobs anymore, and I turned so my back was to the wall, and I slowly slid down. My makeup was everywhere, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to reply. I wanted to tell him about everything. All the threats and deaths. The investigations and the pain. I wanted him to know that I do love him, but that I can't be with him, and I want him to understand that. But Toby's stubborn. If he gave up on us so easily, I wouldn't have known who he was. Toby, my baby, doesn't give up. That's why he beat me in scrabble the fist time I stayed with him. I would love to say that he never beat me, but we both know that's not true. He beat me fair and square. I looked back down at the text and quickly pressed delete. As soon as I had, another text popped up.

_I know you have your phone, Spencer. What's it that you're not telling me?!_

He was getting aggravated now. Let him be angry with me. That's fine. But I needed an excuse to break up with him, an excuse to break both our hearts. I knew exactly what I could do, and I quickly picked up the phone to text him.

It was a couple hours later and Toby and I were meeting at the park. As I was approaching, I noticed Toby and Hannah talking. I knew Hannah and Caleb weren't really on the best of terms, but she had no right to be talking to Toby. He was against the wall, and she was leaning into him. He looked uncomfortable, but she obviously didn't give a damn. Right when I was about to walk over, I noticed just how close Hannah and Toby where getting. Now, her face was merely inches away and I could barely watch as she closed the distance, crashing their lips together. I stormed over before Toby could even react.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I was walking while I said it, and I stopped right in front of Hannah, a hurt expression on her face. My heart was racing as I focused on anything but her talking. All I was seeing was red… it was everywhere. I wanted to kill someone.

"Spence… it-it's not what it looks like!" she exclaimed. That was my time.

"Oh really? So you weren't just kissing MY boyfriend?! You weren't just trying to shove your desperate tongue down his throat?" I said, just above a whisper. My voice was eerily calm.

"I-" But I cut her off, the back of my right hand smacking against her face. I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt someone so much. I had tears in my eyes, and when Hannah looked up, she had a giant red mark on her cheek. I started to raise my fist, and I swung it forward, hoping to implant it on her nose. She was gonna need more than one nose job when I was done with her. But my hand hit something else, and I looked up to see Toby standing there.

"Hannah, you need to leave… NOW." He said when she didn't respond.

"YOU CALL YOURSELF A BEST FRIEND? YOU SKANK!" I screamed after her, reaching for her, but Toby held me back. When I turned back to him, I smacked him as hard as I could. "HOW DARE YOU!" I screamed in his face, tears now spilling down my face.

"Spence-"

"NO. Just leave me alone." I whispered, sobs escaping my mouth. I couldn't believe he would do this to me.

"SPENCER!" He said as I was walking away.

"Toby! What don't you understand about leave me alone? I don't want to be anywhere near you right now!" I turned around to face him, but little did I know he was right behind me. I took a little half step back, and tried not to look at his face. But the anger inside got the best of me, and I looked him straight in the eyes, letting the anger reflect in my eyes.

"Spence." He said softly, tears brimming his beautiful blue eyes.

"I'll give you back all of your stuff. Bye Toby." I turned around and walked away. I could hear him sniffle behind me.

"I won't give up on us Spencer." He called after me.

"I never want to see you again Toby. You're a pathetic cheater!" I said, spinning around, continuing our fight, and not wanting to stop talking to him, even after he cheated.

"You know I would never do that to you!"

"OH REALLY?! YOU JUST DID!" I yelled. "HOW COULD YOU EVEN DO THAT WITH MY BEST FRIEND! It wouldn't hurt so bad if it wasn't Hannah… it would still kill me, but I wouldn't actually feel as dead as I feel right now." I screamed. I didn't understand.

"Would you just let me explain?!" He was begging. I couldn't resist his eyes looking at me like he was dying, and he knew that. But I was going to have to. This was too big a deal.

"No." I said, briskly running off, hearing his voice calling after me. I couldn't turn around and wrap my arms around him and beg him to stay with me. I'm a Hastings… that's just pathetic. But it didn't feel pathetic when I was in love with this man. I couldn't stand it, but before I could do anything, I got in my car. It was my safe place. This was a good thing. I couldn't hurt him anymore, even though my heart was dead. Honestly, I felt like I had no more life inside of me. I just wanted to die. But I would never be that selfish. That was the only thing that was stopping me from killing myself. The way my family behaved was selfish, but that was the one thing that made me different from the Hastings. I wasn't one to be selfish. My friends need me. They wouldn't be able to hold themselves together if I wasn't there. And I knew that. I fumbled with my keys, and immediately noticed the missing picture. That's when I really started to cry. I've never cried like this before. I was so hopeless and so broken. I got in my car, and took out something that I never thought I would see again. It was only used for when I thought I was in trouble, but I started using it on myself when Ali died and I didn't have any friends. I took the pocketknife out of the secret door in the glove compartment, and slowly lifted it to my left wrist. Now I wasn't just using it to stop the emotional pain, but I was using it to make sure that I wasn't sleeping.

I pressed the knife into my skin softly at first, not breaking any skin. I took a shaky breath, and started to slowly put more and more pressure on the tip of the knife. It was halfway up my upper arm, so I wouldn't cut any major arteries, but the skin was still sensitive. Blood started to trickle down my arm, and I quickly grabbed a napkin that I had kept in my car incase I spilled anything. I slowly dragged the knife for about two inches, and stopped. I lifted the knife, and the burn started to intensify as the blade was lifted. I let myself bleed for a little while, and then put the napkin over my skin. The napkin easily sucked up the steady flow of blood coming down my arm. I quickly started the car, eager to get home.

The blood flow hadn't decreased when I pulled into my driveway, and I was starting to feel a little dizzy. I barely noticed the familiar car in the driveway that wasn't supposed to be there. I stumbled into the unlocked house, and went straight to my room. After I shut the door, I heard the familiar voice that I couldn't quite place yet. I was really dizzy, and I couldn't even respond to the question that was asked. I don't think I even heard her. I stumbled into the bathroom that was connected to the room. I looked down at my arm, and mumbled something about needing a Band-Aid. I looked over at the girl that was sitting on my bed. She was rushing over to me, asking me what happened.

"Don't take me to the hospital… whatever you do." I said before blacking out.

About 30 minutes later I woke up feeling extremely disorientated.

"What happened?" I asked trying to sit up, but failing, becoming dizzy. Suddenly the dizziness took over and I threw up into a trashcan that someone was holding. Everything was coming back to me. I had cut to deep. Because of Toby. And Hannah. I looked over to the girl sitting next to me, holding my hair while I exploded into the trash. Gross. "You did great." I said sadly, looking at Hannah. "He believed every second." I said, starting to sob.

**I hope you guys enjoyed! It was a little different, but it needed to be done. I'm sorry for Soby fans, but don't worry! There will be some good Soby coming up! The next chapter might be more of a filler chapter because I have to make them both miserable from not seeing each other, but the have really bad luck… always running into each other. Just a heads up ;)**

**With love,**

**~ladywolf101**


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